Hi guys, sorry for not posting in a while, there's a couple of reasons for that. For a start, my laptop hasn't been working recently so I've had limited access to the internet. Secondly, and probably more the reason why I haven't been feeling up to blogging, is that me and my boyfriend broke up. I'd been with him since January of 2013, so about a year and a half, and although some of you may be thinking that isn't a very long time to be getting worked up about it, it was my first proper relationship and one that I valued a lot. Plus, I'm still pretty young and we were young when we got together so for me it was a very new and scary experience, but one that I enjoyed very much. It wasn't a bad breakup; it was mutual and was decided between the two of us due to many factors, but I hope it will be one of those breakups that just needs time to get over. We are both in the same group of friends who go out a lot together and I wouldn't want us to not be seeing our friends just because of each other, so we decided to just be civil and friendly so we could still hang out and not feel awkward about it. At the moment I'm still in the whole 'attempting to get over it' phase, but I think that although it's very difficult at first, it will be manageable to get over, and I wanted to share my tips with you guys just in case you too struggle with a breakup, however bad it may be, and need some advice on how to deal with it productively.
1. Accept your sadness
At the beginning of the breakup, its perfectly normal to feel sad or even angry at your new ex. I haven't exactly been myself these past few days and its been hard to try and deal with all this new-found sadness (I recommend a good cry and a fresh box of tissues), but eventually these feelings will pass and you will start to feel better. The more you accept these feelings and take a full hold of them, the easier it will be for you to move on.
2. Don't become the obsessive ex
As much as you'd like to scroll endlessly through your ex's social media sites to find out anything about their new life without you, don't. You don't have to unfriend them or delete them completely from your life, unless you had a really bad breakup and that's what you feel would be the only way to get over them, but accepting the fact that they are still alive and are still trying to get on with their life just as you are is important. Obviously if you're going to break into tears every time you see their name pop up on your home screen, then blocking them is probably a good idea, but checking up on them every single hour of the day isn't going to help you get over them. Take a break and just relax; you don't want to make matters worse and cause more stress for yourself.
3. Vent your feelings
I've realised, after trying and failing to keep my emotions all bottled up inside of me like I usually do, that its important to let out how you're feeling. Friends and family will always be there for you to talk (or even rant) to, and will lend a comforting hug if everything has just got a bit overwhelming and will help you get over this bad period in your life. If you don't feel like you can talk to anyone face to face, I am always here to listen to your problems and can offer some advice if you need it. A journal or a diary is always handy if you have lots of emotion that you don't want to talk about to anyone, so you can write down how you're feeling without even having to talk to anybody about it. Whatever way you feel comfortable with, do not just keep all your emotions inside of you; its not healthy and will probably lead to you feeling even worse about it.
4. Avoid all contact
The one thing that I've been constantly wanting to do is contact my ex, but this would definitely not help the situation. Its so tempting to try and get in contact with your ex to talk about what happened and maybe plead to get back together, but the breakup has happened for a reason and the worst thing to do would be to try and change fate. Perhaps after a while when you've both had time to think things through and you both decide it wasn't the right decision to break up, then you can send a message, but straight after a breakup you both need time and space to clear your heads and to work out whether it was the right decision, so make sure you keep your distance for a while.
5. Don't look back in anger
Whilst right now you might be hating them or feeling very hurt, its important to remember that you did once love this person, and so don't pretend like the relationship wasn't important to you if it was. Denial is very common in a relationship, but everyone who witnessed you and your ex knows that you were once happy and that you once had feelings for each other, so trying to deny it isn't going to help the situation. Its best to recognise that it was fun whilst it lasted, but now its over and you should look back on the good memories fondly, instead of focusing on all the bad things that caused your relationship to fail.
6. Keep yourself busy
It's no good sitting around moping about your lost love all day, as this will only make you focus more on your sadness and make you feel worse about yourself. Try and organise to meet up with friends or family to take your mind off it, or take up a new sport or hobby to focus your mind on something else. Whenever you find yourself thinking about them, try to instantly find something to do, whether it be as simple as going for a walk or watching TV, anything instead of lying in bed all day, eating ice cream and listening to sad songs surrounded by used tissues.
So there's a few tips that I found useful when attempting to get over my breakup. I'll admit, its only been a couple of days and I'm definitely nowhere near over it, but keeping myself busy has helped a lot in the process of trying to forget about it. No one likes breakups, whether its mutual, not what you want, or you had to be the one doing it, but its a part of life and we all have to go through it. The sooner you accept that this relationship didn't work out but its just a chance to mature and move on to the next chapter of your life, the better, and trust me, I'm well on the road to recovery. I know this is a pretty personal subject for me to talk about, but to be honest I needed someone to tell and I thought that by doing this I'd also be helping others out, and if you guys want to know how my recovery process goes then let me know. Also, if you want any more advice or just someone to talk to, I'll include my email address below. Give me some suggestions about what you want me to blog about, and I'll be back soon!